Some time off

Life is busy, college is busier. That's why I haven't been here. Plus, to post when I have nothing to say is even more pretentious than to post in the first place. But I wanted to share a poem by Kobayashi Issa:

"Used to losing

I'm peaceful, calm...

Chrysanthemum"

Things, people, ideologies, opportunities, loves, losses, illness

Come, go

Where are you afterwards?

Right where you are

It's the only place you can be.

On Christ and a Robe Bigger Than You Can Imagine

I picked up a copy of The Book of Mormon Today (for FREE! The nice price). Talked to a few of the "elders" and may have convinced them to come to a meditation session. Oh the ways life turns.

But anyways, I was struck with a thought today. The nature of religion, really, what we call it, what I, emphasis here, think it is.

I've spoken abou the Kesa before. Really, it is one of the biggest robes you will see. It is also humble. Made of shit-stained rags, funeral shrouds, etc... anything anyone doesn't want. It is beauty from horror, warmth from rags, form from the formless. It is Buddha just as you are Buddha, through all the good and the bag, the soiled, bloody mess, and the perfectly clean and serene. It is just what it is. It's up to you to pick up the needle and go, putting together your life, making what you will of the ups and downs. It warms my heart to the brim. But I'm 19 and a fool sometimes.

Now Christ. And I emphasize that as well, Christ, not Jesus. Two very different ideas here. Christ is bigger than you can imagine. The concept of Chirst and of God, for that matter, cannot be touched. If it could, it would limit it. This is why I am skeptical of much of Christianity. When you put Christ into a denomination, you limit it. Even the idea of "Heaven" limits the concept of Christ, a place of dwelling. Christ should, I feel, be present in everything! How could it not be? If this world is all one of God's creations and Christ was fully of God, then, naturally, every being on this planet is endowed with Christ, all capable of experiencing it. All that need be done is to let go of the concept of Christ, for when concepts are applied you shove something infinite into a box. Just let Christ be as it is, permeating everything.

The Kesa is Christ and Christ is the Kesa. The Kesa is boundless, Christ is boundless. The Kesa is Buddha, you are Buddha, Christ is Buddha. All of these things have been given forms, but they are truly beyond form.

Put me at the stake, I'm just a Buddhist musing :]

Buddhas and Beer, College and Karma: IV - Great Expectations

I expect to graduate college. It's a pretty solid expectation, what with my past academic history, this and that, all adding up to a pretty good idea that I will, indeed someday graduate college.

I expect to stay in my current relationship. We're both happy, yes the distance is hard and it does weigh on me more now and then but really I am very happy.

I expect to wake up tomorrow. I'm in good health, I eat well, exercise frequently, there's no reason why I shouldn't be alive and in good health tomorrow.

All expectations, all daydreams built upon the past and present. Really, despite our GREATEST expectations, life does not always work out in this way. And the second it doesn't, we have a conniption. Thrashing about, screaming "WHY WHY WHY?!?! IT WASN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS WAY!" Well, true! It wasn't SUPPOSED to be anyway, it just happens to be that way now.

So what can we do?

Study for our tests, say goodnight to our loved ones, prepare for tomorrow!

"Do what you can, change what can be changed, and let go of the rest." It's all you can do.

May we all be at ease with life's ups and downs,

Taylor

Nine Years

Nine Years Ago, I first learned of the Middle East, Islam, and a small minority that falls under both of these categories.

Eight Years Ago, I cried for hours because I thought my father would have to go to war.

Seven Years Ago, it was just another day.

Six Years Ago, the world seemed fine, war never seems to touch us.

Five Years Ago, I was too busy starting high school.

Four Years Ago, the opposite sex always outweighed politics.

Three Years Ago, fear of the future, a consciousness of the world set in.

Two Years Ago, I was too busy applying for college.

One Year Ago, I began to understand the happenings of the world, and if not understand, at least pay attention.

Today: The world is sickening sometimes. Our adults throw fits, threaten to burn Holy Books, all in the name of some belief system. When the world doesn't go their way, they don't follow that holy maxim "Do Unto Others...", they begin a temper tantrum that has more weight than they could ever possibly hold. Our adults cannot even follow the advice they give their children, "Be Kind." "Share with others." "Use your words." How do we expect our children to grow up understanding right and wrong when we are aggressive, selfish, and violent towards those whom we disagree with? If we justify acts of racism and xenophobia with media coverage, we justify hate.

Bullshit.

I don't pray for the troops, or for America, if I did pray it would be for all of us. We all need it.

Buddhas and Beer, College and Karma: III - Stepping Off Your High Horse

Somedays I am really goddamn arrogant about being Buddhist. I feel so high and mighty, so much more moral than the rest of the world. Somehow I "get it" and others don't; even other Buddhists. My meditation is better, more important, somehow more complete than others. Not to mention what I do is FAR more important than what other people do, their feelings, their wants and needs.

Then I get the solid kick in the head that I need. A few examples about getting off that high horse we call "Buddhism". My new job at school is in the Biology Department working in the genetics lab. I work with fruit flies and not much else. Feeding, transferring, and, oh yeah, freezing them. Hypocritical? Yes. The whole "non-violence" thing really does not exempt freezing insects. A life is a life. But, it is part of my job. I have wracked my brain trying to find a way around this, but it is not like being vegetarian, I can stop another cow from being bred to feed me, but these little guys die either way, for lack of food, or because their containers get too disgusting to support life. So, what do I do? I recite a poem I wrote for them, and I freeze them with several bows toward their final resting place. There isn't much more to do. Making someone else do it would be to imply that I somehow holier than them. "Oh, really? Sorry, you'll have to do that part of my job, I'm better than that." Truth is, that's bull. If you eat, you kill things. If you drive, you kill things. I would rather take this responsibility and have the opportunity to show these guys/gals some respect before their inevitable demise than to have to make someone else do it. I'll take the negative karma, not to be self-rightous or Bodhisattvic, but because it is the right thing to do. Buddhist vets still have to put down animals, this Buddhist lab assistant still has to freeze flies:

Freezing The Flies

I vow with all beings

To respect and preserve the life

Of all, great and small

Second example: I live with someone who is decidedly not Buddhist. No problem; I like the guy. Thing is, I have to be mutually respectful of our space. When he's sleeping, I can't go and chant the heart sutra as I normally do, or really do kinhin (walking meditation) between zazen, it would wake him up. I used to think that my meditation was somehow more important than whatever anyone else was doing. Once again, bull. I always sit, everyday, but I make sure that my sitting does not disturb others. Zazen isn't about proclaiming to the world " I AM BUDDHIST HEAR ME ROAR!", if anything it may be more about becoming more like a chair in a room. Something that is just there, doing its (no)thing. I wanted to sit a 4-hour retreat today, with the chanting, walking, bells, etc... but he has somewhat of a concussion. Point is: don't be a dick because you think you're somehow better than the people you are with. Exchange the position and see if you would want someone making a silent ruckus while you were sleeping. It helps to take a walk in another pair of shoes now and then.

I really wish that I could slap this across my face so I would realize it each morning. Another day, another day.

Many Bows, be well.

Buddhas and Beer, College and Karma: II - Parting is such sweet sorrow

Less than a week until I leave for school again and it's a strange amalgam of feelings. I'm elated and excited to see people I haven't seen for months, enjoy new classes and experiences etc... but I'm also sad to leave the comfort and ease of home during summer, seeing my girlfriend, and laying outside all day. But everything changes eventually!

The Buddha taught extensively on the impermanent nature of phenomena, everything is subject to change, no matter what. Relationships, people, attitudes, ideas, illness, health, failure - a mixed bag it would seem. The good doesn't always stay "good" and the bad doesn't always stay "bad", so we're left in a state of transition. But certainly that means we could never be bored right? Well... no. People are still people, Buddhas and still people, Zen Masters are CERTAINLY still people. So often Buddhas and Zen Masters, even meditators in general are supposed to be those who never fall down or give in to human tendencies. I will give you $50 if you can find a Zen Master who doesn't prefer one food over the other given a choice. Sure, maybe they will care a bit less about what's for dinner, taking everything "as it is", but maybe not. Eastern Idealism has led to one too many brainwashing cults centered around a "guru" figure. I don't intend to perpetuate that.

But I digress. People come and go, relationships start and end, life moves on (but not necessarily forward!) one moment at a time. When things suck and we are caught up in doomsday thoughts, well that'll change. Maybe only for a few minutes before we jump on the hamster wheel again, but certainly we can't be one thing forever, can we? Not young, not old, not conservative, not liberal, all these things are fluid rather than concrete. So time passes and passes again, and as of right now, time passes ever faster as Summer days slide by and the breeze starts to get cooler:

Hot sun drips from the skin,

Heat waves of love and lust,

Must too give way,

To the calm breeze of autumn.

Buddhas and Beer, College and Karma: I

Blogs are pretentious; everyone gets a soapbox and everyone wants theirs to be important. Well when we all have a soapbox we're all just standing on level ground again, aren't we? Blogs are ESPECIALLY pretentious when they're just a bunch of random musings by a person with no particular aim or purpose (like this one). So! I'm going to try to be just a bit less pretentious in the further. Duh duh duh duhhhhhhh! A series!

Before my freshman year in college last summer I started to keep track of college life through a Buddhist lens. Well it failed, I was way to busy drinking and being stupid in general to even consider anything else much less a journal. To make a long story short, I got off the crazy train and started being more responsible with myself. No drinking (hate the taste anyway), a reestablished relationship with my girlfriend (almost two years, put that in your pipe), and a generally more conscientious attitude towards others. And so here I am, at it again.

My history with Buddhism in 60 seconds: Raised nonreligious minus the trips to church on Christmas, fast forward 17 years and I start questioning life and what I believe in. Much reading and learning on different faiths. I receive a copy of The Dhammapada for Christmas and I'm hooked. Read read read read! Find a center 15 minutes away, Tibetan in the Drikung Kagyu lineage. Love it, the sounds, the smells, the people. I take refuge 2 weeks after visiting for the first time! VIOLA A BUDDHIST IS MADE. I read everything I can, go to all the ceremonies, learn all the mantras and mudras, take empowerments from anyone I can. And, like all things, I overload. Too much pressure, expectations, guilt, this that and the other. I become more of a recluse than a human, not wanting to show too much negative emotion because of the Buddha Ideal, perfectly calm and blissed out (more on this and why it was so damn wrong soon). Emotional turmoil. I visit a Zen center and feel like I'm finally walking home. It makes sense, I love the poetry and the aesthetics. No voodoo, no superstition, just you and a cushion. Currently in constant contact with two Soto Zen teachers who seem to think I'm ok at what I do (pffffft, too kind). I sit everyday, regardless of where I am or how I'm feeling.

So there you have it. A bit of me. I'm going to try to make this relevant. Experiences, thoughts, all less ranting than before. Maybe you'll get something out of it!

Gasshoooooooooooo ( a bow) Hope to see you soon